At the gym the other day, I attempted a personal record deadlift. After a few warm-up sets, I loaded the plates, gripped the bar, and took a few deep breaths to mentally prepare myself for this lift. It was time. I was pulling the weight up with all my strength. Struggling mid-lift, a gym trainer passed by, watched, and shouted, “Move that weight!” His encouragement gave me the strength I needed to complete the lift successfully.
Having a supportive network is essential in all aspects of life - at the gym, at work, and in your creative pursuits. Encouragement from others can provide the boost you need when facing tough hurdles.
Rejection can be painful when you’ve given your all and it still doesn’t work out, leaving you feeling like your efforts weren’t sufficient. It’s challenging not to take it personally and difficult to understand the reasons behind the rejection.
I’ve learned that the reason for rejection will become clear over time. Rejection is complex and isn’t solely about you; it may be due to various factors beyond your control, such as circumstances or the other person’s state of mind. However, sometimes it could be related to you. As you learn and grow, you may realize why you were rejected, and it becomes an area of personal improvement.
Filipino parties are known for their abundance of food. No matter the party, you can count on the staples being there like lumpia, pancit, and steamed rice. If it’s a special occasion, we’d go all out and buy a Lechon, a whole suckling pig. When my parents host a party, they dedicate the entire day to cooking and preparing the main dishes. Hosting gatherings is a significant aspect of Filipino culture, with food playing a central role.
After my birthday party, my parents called and the first thing they asked about was what food I served. Since my party started in the evening, I only had snacks and drinks, the norm for parties in New York City. If there was any food, it was likely store-bought rather than homemade.
It made me realize that many of my friends in New York, despite coming from rich food cultures and having parents who are exceptional cooks, do not cook regularly, if at all. Our generation might be the generation that cooks the least. Many of the recipes my parents cook have been passed down from generation to generation, and it would be a shame if they were lost with me.
One of my goals this year is to learn at least three of my parents’ recipes. It will help me connect with my culture and continue my traditions.
A lion is fully capable of capturing, killing, and eating a field mouse. But it turns out that the energy required to do so exceeds the caloric content of the mouse itself. So a lion that spent its day hunting and eating field mice would slowly starve to death. A lion can’t live on field mice. A lion needs antelope. Antelope are big animals. They take more speed and strength to capture and kill, and once killed, they provide a feast for the lion and her pride. A lion can live a long and happy life on a diet of antelope. The distinction is important. Are you spending all your time and exhausting all your energy catching field mice? In the short term it might give you a nice, rewarding feeling. But in the long run you’re going to die. So ask yourself at the end of the day, “Did I spend today chasing mice or hunting antelope? - James Carville and Paul Begala
We often choose to hunt mice instead of antelope because hunting antelope requires a significant amount of effort, either upfront. Difficult conversations or decisions may be challenging, but confronting them directly paves the way for a smoother journey ahead.
Your first space is where you live. Your second space is where you work. And your third spaces are places for community, fun, and leisure. Think churches, cafes, bars, etc.
My younger cousin socializes on Fortnite, Roblox, or Discord instead of at the park or mall like I did. Digital spaces are becoming a popular hangout spot for Gen Z.
During the pandemic, I found solace in online communities when physical spaces were limited. I engaged more on Twitter, joined virtual courses, and participated in Discord groups. While face-to-face interactions are irreplaceable, the online friendships I fostered were unique. I connected with individuals globally, formed genuine relationships without meeting in person, and built a network of writer friends through these platforms.
In this case, virtual third spaces can serve as a complement or alternative to physical third spaces for individuals seeking community connections when they may not be readily available near them.
I’ll often meet people looking to get into writing and they have an idea of what they want to write about. Maybe they want to write about business, or technology, or research pieces. But writing is already hard enough as it is, that writing about something you don’t care about sounds like torture to me.
I recommend that beginners just write a lot. Choose a cadence. My hot take is that writing at a higher cadence is easier than writing at a lower cadence. Writing at a high cadence means the bar is higher and the inner critic is loud. Writing at a lower cadence like weekly, even daily, lowers the bar that you don’t feel the need to produce a hit for every piece, which isn’t even important when you’re first starting out.
Over time, it’ll reveal what you like to write about.
I run through the streets of this gigantic city, and shadows run after me. I gaze with a thousand eyes and listen with a thousand ears all through the day; and when I come home late at night I find more things to gaze at and more voices to listen to. New York is not the place where one finds rest. But did I come here for rest? I am so glad to be able to run. I spent yesterday afternoon in the Museum — and I am astonished to find so many wonderful things in it. It is surely one of the great museums in the world in spite of its being only fifty years old. America is far greater than what people think; her Destiny is strong and healthy and eager. - Khalil Gibran, May 1st 1911
The poet Khalil Gibran wrote this letter to his benefactor when he first arrived to New York.
Over the past century, many cities have risen, many have fallen. Yet, from Gibran’s account, it seems like the New York experience has remained consistent for more than 100 years.
A friend described NYC as America’s America, I think that’s a pretty accurate statement. Many people come here not for rest, not to retire, but to make something of themselves. And that’s part of the beauty of the city.
One benefit to organizing a writing club is that many people ask me to critique and give feedback on their pieces. Giving feedback is an underrated way to improve as a writer. When I give feedback, I read carefully, I analyze my reaction to each line, each paragraph. Did I find it interesting? Do I want to read more? Or is my attention beginning to wane? Developing that eye for feedback for other people’s pieces helps me tremendously in my own work.
I notice that 90% of my feedback revolves around the same advice: show, don’t tell. Instead of stating that Art class was your favorite, vividly describe why it’s your favorite. Rather than saying you felt sad, paint a detailed picture of your emotions and surroundings. Take me on a journey. That’s what storytelling is all about.
“Show, don’t tell” is one of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned from writing. It applies not only to writing but also when I’m persuading a group of people on my vision at work, it’s useful in everyday conversation, and it applies to all art forms regardless of the medium.
Last year, I updated the majority of my wardrobe, with over half of the new items purchased from thrift or vintage stores. Thrifting is a great way to find quality pieces at affordable prices, especially for those on a tight budget. Some of my favorite thrifted items were bought at a fraction of their retail cost. For example, I bought my favorite pair of pants, Momotaro Japanese denim jeans, for $25 at a Crossroads Trading thrift store in San Francisco, while they retail for $315. Additionally, I found a Loro Piana cashmere sweater in perfect condition at the same store, which retails for $2,000, but I got it for $30.
I love thrifting because the pieces are unique and hard to come by, making it unlikely that others will have the same item. Thrift stores offer a variety of items from different eras, some of which are one-of-a-kind.
One drawback of thrifting is it can be time-consuming. For example, if you are searching for a specific trench coat, you might spend an entire day at thrift stores and still not find it.
Knowing how to thrift is a bit of an art. Here are a few tips I have for thrifting:
Thrifting is like a treasure hunt. Although you may need to sift through a lot of junk, discovering a hidden gem is always very rewarding.
Learn how to evaluate garment quality. My upcoming blog post will delve deeper into this topic, but the main takeaway is to avoid synthetic materials, familiarize yourself with reputable brands, and pay attention to details such as hems, buttons, zippers, and finishing.
Know what can be tailored easily. Simple alterations like hemming pants and shortening T-shirts are common and cost-effective. However, more complex alterations such as adjusting the waist of jeans or modifying shoulder pads in a blazer can be pricier. In these cases, you’re better off purchasing a garment that fits properly.
Don’t be afraid to shop in the women’s section. This is one tip my most stylish guy friend shared with me. Clothing is not gender-specific, and no one will be able to tell when you wear it.
Every thrift store is different but many restock early in the week. If you can, try avoid thrifting on the weekends and go on Monday or Tuesday after the restock instead.
Thrifting can be impulsive. I typically enter a shop with a clear idea of my wardrobe needs and focus on finding items to fill those gaps.
If you’re in NYC, my top thrift spots are all near Morgan Station on the L Train: Beacon’s Closet, L Train Vintage, and Urban Jungle.
Right now, I’m recovering from a sickness and it’s advised to rest my voice as much as I can. The timing couldn’t be worse as the OTWC kickoff is tomorrow. One part of me is frustrated because I won’t be able to lead the session as I hoped. Another part of me sees this as a blessing. It’s a chance to let other people cook.
One key lesson in community building that I’ve written about plenty is a community is not built for people, it’s built with them. As a community organizer, it is crucial to cultivate leadership within the community. Encourage those who want to help to volunteer or host events of their own. You’ve got to let them cook. This simple act helps community members see themselves not just as participants but as hosts, fostering a sense of ownership and belonging within the community.
I watched a video featuring Toshiyuki Ueno discussing the Japanese luxury menswear label Visvim’s design philosophy using his vintage 1968 Porsche as a metaphor. He uses his cherished Porsche regularly, despite its aging appearance with peeling paint and rust. Yet, for him, these dents, scratches, and blemishes contribute to the charm of the vehicle.
He explains that it’s this same philosophy that they aim to design their clothes with. Make something that people get attached to. And attachment comes from using it, caring for it, and loving the imperfections.
With the second season of the Olive Tree Writing Club approaching, I thought I’d share a few thoughts on organizing a writing club:
I never thought I’d be organizing a writing club in NYC. I’ve never really thought of myself as a community organizer either. I still don’t. I was simply trying to figure out a way to regularly see my writing friends.
I attended a few writing clubs in NYC before hosting the OTWC. Most felt cliquey, intimidating, and focused on older mediums of writing. I wanted to change that with the OTWC.
I love meeting other writers. Writers are curious, clear thinkers, open-minded, and empathetic. Writing attracts these sorts of people but writing also transforms you into a more curious, clear-thinking, open-minded, and interesting person. Beautiful things happen when you gather people like this together.
Consistency builds loyalty.
This is by far the most fulfilling thing I do. One of the most rewarding parts is when people tell us they started a Substack or they’ve started writing more because of the OTWC community.
Communities aren’t built for people, they are built with people.
If you don’t feel anxious or scared about hosting an event, then is it even worth hosting? Even after running writing events for nearly two years, I still find myself getting stressed even over the recurring events. But that just means I care.
You can’t please everyone. Even if only a small fraction of those that attend become repeat members, that’s all that’s needed to create a sustainable community. Realizing this was a weight off my shoulders. It puts less pressure on me to please everyone because you can’t please everyone.
OTWC Season 2 kickoff is this Sunday @ 10am! RSVPhere.
After my birthday party last Saturday, I received texts from friends saying I’ve got a great group of friends around me. It’s one of the best compliments I could receive. I feel lucky to have made many incredible friends, many of whom are here in New York.
I remember how lonely high school was. Although I had friends, I didn’t feel a deep connection with most of them. We didn’t hang out after class and I often spent my free time alone playing video games in my room.
I realize that it’s quite common for many people to not have a supportive group of friends. I overheard a friend recently talking about her creative journey and how her “friends” thought that her posting videos on Instagram were “cringe”. She cut them off shortly afterward. Or I’ll hear about another friend not vibing with their significant others’ friends, which can stress the relationship.
Today, I’ve made friends who share my values, inspire me, and bring me joy. While I value my alone time for writing and creative work, it has also raised my standards for the people I allow into my life. I also find that being genuine, having a strong sense of self, and pursuing bigger things create a magnetic quality that attracts others.
Ambrose Kingsland, the 71st mayor of New York City, is best known for proposing the development of Central Park. In this letter he penned in 1851, he’s writing to the Common Council of NYC to persuade them to buy the land for Central Park. He believes the cost will be repaid four times over and the park will be a “lasting monument to its founders, earning the gratitude of future generations.”
Reading this letter, I can’t help but think about what would NYC be like without Central Park. Without Central Park, there is no Upper East Side and Upper West Side, subway lines would be much different, there would be no Columbus circle, the inequality in an already divided city would widen. Central Park is one of the crown jewels of NYC, one of its largest attractions, and an oasis in the concrete jungle.
If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. - Bruce Lee
Love this quote from Bruce Lee. Recently, I feel as if I plateaued in certain areas of my life. This is a reminder that plateaus aren’t limits. And I must move past them.
A few weeks ago, I went on the Verci retreat to upstate New York. During the car ride, one of my friends took control of the aux and played trap music from artists like Playboi Carti, Future, and Lil Baby. Most of us in the car, including myself, did not enjoy his music choice, so we took away his aux privileges after a few songs. He wasn’t good on the aux because he was playing music he liked without considering others’ music tastes.
Whether it be a car, a cafe, or a party, the person who controls the aux sets the vibe. It’s important to be considerate when you’re on the aux. You’ve got to know what vibe you’re trying to set and gauge how people react to it.
When I’m on aux, I first try to understand who’s in the room. What’s their age? What’s their background? If I’m in a Gen Z crowd, maybe I’ll play some pop music. If I’m with a millennial crowd, I’ll throw in a few 2000s throwback tracks. Or if I’m with a crowd with older tastes, I’ll play some throwbacks like the Beatles or Michael Jackson.
Then I’ll understand the setting. Is it a car ride? A party? A writing event? For example, at the writing events that I host, I’ll exclusively play instrumentals. Maybe something jazzy or a lofi beat playlist.
Some songs are crowd-pleasers that will always get the crowd growing. In NYC for example, no matter how many times we hear Empire State of Mind, we’ll always turn up.
But I also enjoy sharing my personality and unique taste when I control the aux. I like to play lesser-known or older songs that might be a bit risky. It can either be a hit or miss. A good indicator of success is when people use Shazam or ask about the song I’m playing. There’s no better feeling when someone asks, “What song is this?” while I’m in control of the aux.
During elementary school, birthdays were mentioned during morning announcements so that no one’s birthday was forgotten. On my birthday, my dad would buy two dozen Krispy Kreme donuts for everyone in my class. I remember one of my popular classmates reacted with a big, “Yes’ when he saw the donuts enter the room. In retrospect, he was more excited for the donuts than my actual birthday, but it still felt great to celebrate with my classmates.
In high school, there were no announcements about birthdays, and I didn’t have Facebook to share mine. As a result, it was difficult for my friends to know when my birthday was. I didn’t make an effort to inform anyone either. Back then, I didn’t anticipate my birthday because not receiving any birthday greetings, even from my closest friends, made me feel invisible.
Last year, I had a small birthday dinner with three close friends. While I enjoyed it, I also wished I could’ve celebrated with more friends in the city. I love the food, energy, and creativity of NYC, but it’s the people who made my time special. I wanted to share this incredible experience with more friends who have made my time here so memorable.
Today was my first time hosting a birthday party in my small apartment. Although space was limited, it was awesome to celebrate with many of my friends.
One of the main reasons I revamped my wardrobe is because my old wardrobe didn’t represent me anymore.
But now my new wardrobe reflects my current self. I enjoy dressing up each morning, considering factors like the weather, occasion, people I will see, and the story I want to tell through my outfit. And I can shape my narrative by choosing how to dress.
