Three Words to Describe Your Style

People often ask me to describe my style, which is a simple but challenging question. Allison Bornstein suggests summarizing your style using three words.

My three words are subtle, elevated, and contrasting. I have a subtle style that focuses on standing out through layering, mixing textures, and experimenting with silhouettes rather than wearing flamboyant or colorful pieces. I describe my style as elevated because I focus on high-quality basics and pay attention to details. I enjoy wearing contrasting pieces that traditionally may not match, such as mixing formal and casual items.

Regularly reviewing these three words can help me track how my style has evolved.

March 18, 2024

Momentum and Agency

I was reading George Mack’s newsletter today and he posed an interesting question:

If you were offered your location, relationship or career to start fresh in it today — would you still do it?

Early in college, I read a piece on Network Effects and it explained how the 6 crossroads in one’s life:

  1. What family you’re born into
  2. High school network
  3. College network
  4. Your first job
  5. Your life partner
  6. Where you live

At the time I read this article, the first three crossroads were already made up. But I still had time and agency to decide on the last three. Realizing the significance of choosing the right job and city, I dedicated ample time to carefully considering these decisions.

If I were offered the chance to live in New York City, I’d take it. Anyone who’s followed my blog so far knows how much I love NYC.

If I were offered my current job, I’d take it. I’ve got great coworkers, I’m bullish on my company’s trajectory, and there’s plenty of room for career growth.

The question of a life partner is the last crossroad left for me.

Looking back on these decisions, it’s no wonder why the period after college is so critical. That’s the point of our life that we have the most agency to make some of the most important decisions of our lives.

March 17, 2024

Style is a Long Term Game

Last week, I was people-watching in a coffee shop, paying close attention to their fits.

This one older gentleman entered the cafe wearing a worn in pair of Chelsea boots, cozy socks, straight-fit selvedge denim with a tailored blazer worn on top of a thick textured knit. His fit was immaculate. Each piece was high quality. And he styled his outfit tastefully. He wasn’t trendy, but he was stylish.

I could tell that his style had developed after many, many years. It takes years of observation and experimentation to cultivate an authentic sense of style and it also takes years to build a high-quality wardrobe to match. He’s my style goals and reminded me that fashion is a long-term game.

March 16, 2024

Community and Third Spaces

Your home is your first space, your workplace is your second space, and your social hangout spots are your third spaces.

With the rise of remote work, the distinction between first and second spaces is becoming less clear.

Traditionally, churches served as the main third space, but their significance is diminishing in our generation.

This shift may be contributing to the growing importance of community and the search for alternative third spaces.

March 15, 2024

Feeling Blocked? Changed the Medium

When I journal using pen and paper, my writing is a stream of consciousness.

When I draft a note in Apple Notes, my writing is mostly a brain dump of ideas.

When I write in Google Docs, my writing is more polished and edited.

When I write in Gmail, my writing feels conversational.

The medium changes the writing. And I find it helpful to change mediums when I feel creatively blocked.

March 14, 2024

How to Get the Most out of a Community

Being involved in both the OTWC and Verci has been essential to my experience in New York City. I have connected with inspiring individuals and gained numerous opportunities through these communities.

When you find the right community and put in the effort, the benefits can be significant. There’s an art to getting the most out of a community. If I were to summarize the fundamentals, first you have to to commit fully to it. I’ll see friends participating lightly in various communities but it isn’t easy to reap the reward if you don’t do that upfront work. Secondly, adopt a mindset of giving more than receiving (shout to Aamir for this tip). Ironically it’s this mindset that leads to the greatest rewards.

March 13, 2024

The First Event I Hosted

Picture from the first event I ever hosted, November 13 2016Picture from the first event I ever hosted, November 13 2016

The first event I hosted was during my second year of university almost eight years ago. During that time, I took a semester off school to learn how to code. I spent my days at my childhood home self-learning programming and working on projects on FreeCodeCamp. Learning to code is a tough journey and I was studying by myself, I had no one to ask questions or share my struggles with. There wasn’t a coding community that existed in my city either. So I decided to start my own.

I started the first FreeCodeCamp Brampton chapter at LAB B, a now-defunct entrepreneurial coworking space. I promoted it on meetup.com, Facebook, and FreeCodeCamp’s website. In the days leading up to the event, my friend Harman, who ran LAB B, said to me, I invited my brother-in-law to your event on Sunday, please don’t suck.” Thanks for the encouragement Harman.

Sunday arrived, it was a brisk, sunny November morning, it was the day of the event. I bought two packs of TimBits and stole a tin container housing various types of tea from my family kitchen. I cleaned up the venue and arranged the tables. Then the guests started to trickle in, 10 in total. I gave my intro speech and we went to work. Some people were coding on their own, some were pairing up and asking questions, and others were just socializing. We were all on the same journey after all. We wanted to get better as programmers whether to improve our craft or make a career switch. As the event came to an end, many people thanked me for organizing this community. They too were looking for something similar and they were grateful that it now existed.

Driving home from that first event, I felt a warmth in my heart. I did it. I organized my first event. I met many cool people and everyone seemed to enjoy it too. Anyone who’s hosted an event understands the gratifying feeling after an event. It’s the feeling that all the time, stress, and energy we put into organizing the event was worth it. And I’ve been hooked ever since.

March 12, 2024

How to Come Up With Unoriginal Ideas

Only consume short form content on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok.

Watch the news.

Listen to pop music.

Watch only the latest shows and movies.

Only read books that were published in the past five years.

When you consume mainstream content, you’ll have mainstream ideas.

March 11, 2024

On Being a Lone Wolf

Reflecting on my time at university, a regret I have is playing it solo. Initially, I did everything alone - attending lectures, working on assignments, and studying. It was only in my senior year that I started to open up and study with friends. Studying together was more efficient, more motivating, and it became a bonding experience with my friends. I now wonder why I chose to go solo in the beginning.

I’ve been a lone wolf for most of my life. I preferred figuring things out on my own. I enjoyed solo activities like video games and reading. It served me well as I was able to develop my interests, desires, and opinions independently of my peers.

However, geniuses are not developed in isolation but rather in a scene”. Brian Eno calls this Scenius:

[Scenius] is the intelligence and the intuition of a whole cultural scene. It is the communal form of the concept of the genius.

Individuals immersed in a productive scenius will blossom and produce their best work. When buoyed by scenius, you act like genius. Your like-minded peers, and the entire environment inspire you.

I’d argue though that you want to harness the virtues of both a lone wolf and a scene. Have the independence and self-reliance of a lone wolf. But the flow of ideas, exchange of techniques, and networks of success generated from a community.

March 10, 2024

First and Second Generation Gap

The first generation made it here, and to live at all is such a privilege that they’re happy, and even encourage you to put your head down, work, fade away, get your meals, and live a quiet life.

And I think the second generation, the great conundrum there, the great paradox, is that they want to be seen. They want to make something. And what a better way to make something and fill yourself with agency than to be an artist? So: so many of us immigrant children end up betraying our parents in order to subversively achieve our parents’ dreams. - Ocean Vuong

In New York, I’m privileged to have met so many talented and creative Asian artists. We were taught to keep quiet. We were taught to keep our heads down. We were taught to stay invisible. Instead, we are expressing ourselves loudly through our art.

I predict that in the next two decades, Asian artists combined with permissionless platforms like YouTube and Instagram, are going to absolutely take over.

March 9, 2024

Failure Doesn’t Exist

You either win and get what you want. Which feels euphoric.

Or you fail”, become humbled, and through that experience you grow.

March 8, 2024

There is No Them”

Them” is the basis for much discrimination, hatred, and war. It’s meant to alienate and dehumanize.

But when we talk to one of them” and realize they’re the same as us. 

It helps us understand that there is no them” in the first place.

March 7, 2024

Linguistic Profiling

One way you can tell if someone is from New York or not is how they pronounce Houston Street. If you read it as hew-ston”, like the city, then you’re not a local. New Yorkers know its actually pronounced, house-ton”. 

This is an example of linguistic profiling. A way of determining what group someone falls under based on how they speak. As humans, we can’t help but to constantly profile people. We are profiling people based on their appearance, how they dress, and how they speak. 

I remember the last time I traveled to the Philippines with my family. During taxi rides, my parents would tell me and my sister not to talk. Talking would reveal our Canadian accent, and suggest that we are foreigners, and they’d hike up the prices as a result. The fact that we spoke English fluently without a Filipino accent, elevated us against Filipinos that spoke English without an accent.  

Raised in Toronto, a highly diverse city, I was surrounded by friends and their families with accents from around the globe. Accents represent linguistic and cultural adaptability, and I deeply respect those who are multilingual, unlike myself who struggles with speaking just two languages.

March 6, 2024

On Weekend Trips

Verci Catskills Retreat 2024Verci Catskills Retreat 2024

Adult friendships are hard. People are busy now. Your friends aren’t within walking distance anymore like they were in college. You don’t have the flexibility of taking a few weeks to travel once the school semester is finished. You don’t have the trauma bonding of pulling off an all-nighter to complete an assignment or study for an exam. But weekend trips are a secret weapon in the adult friendship arsenal.

One study said that it takes around 50h to go from acquaintance to casual friend, 90h to go from casual friend to simple” friend, and 200h before you consider someone a close friend. Perhaps what makes weekend trips magical is you fast-track those hours and advance to the next stage of friendship in one weekend. I’ve never taken a weekend trip where that wasn’t the case.

This is a reminder to take more weekend trips with friends and family in 2024.

March 5, 2024

Consistency is Not Enough

If you want to build muscle, the first step is to show up consistently to the gym. This is often the hardest part. But going consistently isn’t enough. You need to push yourself during each workout. You need to overload your muscles and gradually increase the reps or weight you’re lifting. Over time you’ll begin to gain strength and grow your muscles. 

Lately, I’ve been getting into the habit with my writing that showing up is enough. That publishing a blog post for the day is enough. My goal with writing is to continue developing my craft so I can better convey my ideas and emotions through words. I need to put in focused hours. I need to critique my work. I need to self-educate. I need to find a teacher. I need to put my work out there. Showing up isn’t enough.

March 4, 2024

Artistic Integrity and Virality

When I ask my creative friends what piece are they most proud of, it rarely is the piece that went the most viral.

The piece they are the most proud of is usually more vulnerable and lengthy than their average piece. It isn’t a piece of regularly scheduled content” rather it’s a piece of art. And while it may not have the reach or engagement of your most popular post, these are the pieces that truly move and inspire your audience.

March 3, 2024

Knowing Your Scales

One of my friends was freestyle dancing today and was asked how he did it. He said that there were a few fundamental moves, and once you knew the moves, you could combine them in unlimited combinations depending on how you feel.

As jazz musicians rely on scales to improvise during performances, mastering scales is fundamental in every craft. Practice them regularly to establish a strong foundation.

March 2, 2024

Finding the Other

When I went solo travelling to South America back in the Summer of 22, I easily talked with over a hundred people. Within the first minute of talking to someone, I’d know if this was a one night conversation or someone I want to hang out with more. But there were a few people, less than 5, that I truly bonded with. People that I’d be best friends with if the timing and situation was right. There’s people I can hang out with for convenience, and there’s people I can hang out with because we vibe on a fundamental level.

A core part of the human experience is finding your people, people that you truly vibe with, people that you feel energized to be around. Today, I’m at the Verci retreat, I’ve been to all three retreats so far. Verci deserves a much longer essay because a daily post can’t do it justice, it’s been a core part of my NYC experience and through the community I’ve met many kindred spirits. If you haven’t found the other yet, they are out there, you just got to look for them.

March 1, 2024

Take the Leap

Four years ago, I took the leap and decided to write every day. Everything in my life directly and indirectly has come through writing. I’ve met one of my best friends through writing, I got my current job through writing, and much of my personal growth has come from writing.

A year and a half ago, I took the leap to move to New York City. I’ve now made friends from all over the world, built a life here, and I can see myself living here long term. 

Around that same time, I took the leap and started a writing club with a few friends in the city. I’ve always dreamed of being part of a creative community, who knew I’d start one myself. 

As today (or yesterday if you’re reading this as a newsletter) is leap day, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on the leaps you have taken in your own journey.

February 29, 2024

Reflections From OTWCs Write-a-thon

As anyone who’s planned events before knows, the final days leading up to an event are when everything comes together. This period is stressful, chaotic, and exhilarating, though it can be overwhelming at times. During this time, I’ll question why I keep putting myself through this.

I was talking to my friend Y, who’s hosting an event of his own, and he told me that if you don’t feel anxious or scared about an event, then is it even worth hosting? It’s a good point. For me, hosting events is a form of world-building where I can control the laws, the atmosphere, and the guest list.

The day beforehand, my mind can’t help but run through worst-case scenarios but most of the work is done at this point. Now, you must trust in your preparation and ensure the event goes smoothly.

We were worried about the 9am start time on a Sunday, would anyone show up at that time? Most people showed up at the start or very near to it.

We were worried about the schedule for the day, would people begin to drop off and get tired during the afternoon? Everyone worked hard throughout the day, not just in the morning.

We were worried about hosting the open mic at the end and if people would sign up. 8 writers signed up and delivered inspiring performances, which were well-received by the supportive and fun group in attendance. I too shared a piece I was working on and I had blast reading it.

At the end of the night, people praised the event, expressing their enjoyment and satisfaction with the work produced during that time. And that’s honestly all that matters.

February 28, 2024

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