A Lot Can Happen in 3 Years
In Summer 2021, me and three other friends decided to live together in Montreal.
This past weekend, 3/4 of us now live in NYC. We spent this past Saturday hanging out and catching up in Williamsburg.
Summer 2021 in Montreal felt like it’s simultaneously a year ago and a lifetime ago. Objectively, three years ago isn’t that long. But so much has happened for all us during that time. Since then, I’ve graduated school, solo travelled South America, landed an awesome full time role, moved to NYC, started a writing community, found a passion for menswear, and built a whole life in NYC.
A lot can happen in three years.
I wonder how things will change three years from now.
People Like Talking to Strangers
In the book How to Not Die Alone, Logan Ury encourages readers to talk to people in public:
Behavioral scientists Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder observed the same preference in their paper “Mistakenly Seeking Solitude.” When they asked a group of commuters whether they’d like to interact with a stranger on the train or sit alone without speaking to anyone, most people chose the silent option.
Then they ran an experiment to see which experience commuters actually enjoyed more. They randomly assigned commuters on a public transit train in Chicago to either talk to the person sitting next to them, “remain disconnected, or to commute as normal.” They found that those who engaged with the stranger had the most positive experience on the train, and those who sat alone with their thoughts had the least positive experience.
They replicated the results in an experiment on Chicago buses. Our instinct to avoid conversations with strangers is wrong. We only think we want solitude. We underestimate how much joy social connection can bring.
During my flight back to Toronto last Christmas, the cute girl in the seat next to me saw the cake I carried oboard the flight and asked me where I got the cake. I told her it was from Martha’s bakery, my favorite bakery in the city. I told her that I bring a Berry Napoleon cake every time I go back home. From there, we started talking about our New York experiences, Toronto vs New York, our jobs, our interests, and our families. We talked the entire 1h flight. We while waiting for our check-in bags at the baggage claim carousels as well.
I often assume that people would not want to be bothered in public. But I find every time I talk with people in public, it always leaves me energized afterwards.
It reminds me of the William Yeats quote, “There are no strangers, just friends you haven’t met yet.”
As a writer, the quality of my writing and my ideas is closely tied to my information diet.
I also believe you aren’t serious about your craft unless you read the 5 best books about your field.
While I love reading, I often get stuck in literary purgatory as I’m deciding my next book to read. I end up not choosing a book for a long time then I fill that time with YouTube and social media consumption instead.
Creating these quarterly reading lists help keep me in check. I can focus on reading rather than choosing my next book.
Here’s my 2024 Q4 reading list:
Technology
Fashion and Menswear
Fiction
Others
Event Hosting 101: Why Are We Gathering?
Whenever I’m hosting an event, I’ll draft a quick Apple notes answering the 5 Ws starting with why. “Why?” is the most important question and serves as the soul of the event. This step is especially important if you’re co-organizing an event with others. It helps you decide your guest list, size of your gathering, time and date, venue, and if food/drinks will be served or not.
The most memorable events I’ve attended have a strong “why”. You can feel a cohesive theme behind every intricate detail and it makes the event unique.
It’s the one decision that makes all other decisions much easier.
2024 Q4 Style Goals
At the start of the year, I set a few style goals for myself:
- Continue to slowly build my wardrobe.
- Find a tailor.
- Only buy high quality, ethically-made, and local brands with a story.
- Take more fit pics.
I’ve continued to slowly build out my wardrobe this year, filling in most of my gaps from the start of the year.
I found a tailor and got many of my pieces altered since.
I’ve continue to purchase consciously, mostly second hand, with a preference for local brands.
I’m taking more and more fit pics.
For Q4, here are my style goals:
Experiment with Black Ivy style. There’s something about Black Ivy style that speaks to me and I want to try incorporating it in my own style. A few of my style icons right now are Drew Joiner, Jason Jules, and Miles Davis.
Experiment with buying second hand clothing online. One of my most stylish friends, Minnow, shared with me his style secret: he buys most of his clothes on ebay and rarely spends more than $30 on a piece of clothing. “As long as you know your measurements, you should be fine,” he told me. I haven’t bought clothing online before and I feel apprehensive about it. But Minnow encouraged me to try it out.
Post weekly fit pics online. Now that I’m regularly taking fit pics. I want to document my style journey online.
Where Does Canadian Tuxedo Come From?
Bing Crosby in his custom made denim tuxedo. Photo credits to Levi’s.
I love jeans. I love denim. I love anything made out of denim. My menswear newsletter even has a name inspired by denim.
Unironically, as I’m also Canadian, I’ll rock the double denim look also known as the Canadian Tuxedo.
But where does “Canadian Tuxedo” come from?
It all starts with Bing Crosby, the guy who’s famous for singing the Christmas Classic, White Christmas.
In 1951, at the height of his fame, he was checking in at Hotel Vancouver. The clerk at the hotel denied Crosby’s entry. Why? Crosby was wearing a denim-on-denim fit and jeans were seen as low-class workwear. The clerk didn’t recognize Crosby either. He thought Crosby was just some bum.
The local news caught word of the situation to the embarrassment of the Hotel, and when Levi’s heard about this, they created a custom double-breasted denim tuxedo for Crosby with an interior leather patch that read, “Notice to All Hotel Men.”
Levi’s called it, the Canadian Tuxedo.
The rest is history.
It’s Okay to Live a Life Others Don’t Understand
Maybe you quit that high-paying, prestigious job.
Maybe you decide not to buy a house.
Maybe you decide not to get married.
Society has its own definition of success.
But when you begin to understand yourself and your true desires, your own definition of success begins to emerge.
No more are you swayed but what society wants you to do, or what other strangers want you to do.
Because its okay to live a life that others don’t understand.
Don’t Forget the Basics
One story I think about often is the story of the Monk’s Riches:
There is a wandering monk making his way through the forest who comes across a farmer.
The farmer tells the monk that he had a vision the night before that he would run into a monk carrying the biggest diamond in the world and that the monk would give it to him.
The monk proceeds to pull a massive diamond out of his bag and hand it to the farmer. With a gentle smile, the monk says, “Yes this one. I found it in the forest a few days ago. You’re welcome to have it.”
The farmer cannot believe his luck. He rushes home with his newfound riches, while the monk goes to meditate underneath a nearby tree.
Several hours later the farmer returns to the forest and finds the monk sitting under the very same tree, deep in meditation.
The farmer taps the monk on the shoulder and says, “Can you do me a favor?”
“What is it?” asks the monk.
Holding the diamond in his hand, the man says, “Can you give me the riches that make it possible for you to give this thing away so easily?”
The aphorism of the Monk’s Riches conveys a simple idea - money can’t buy happiness. This sentiment is echoed in similar sayings and aphorisms like the Mexican Fisherman and American Businessman.
The irony, is that despite everyone knowing that money doesn’t buy happiness, many people still default to pursuing money as their goal. The problem is that in the day-t0-day grind, it’s easy to lose sight of this fundamental truth. These aphorims serve as a valuable reminder.
On Designing Your Life
Getting what you want is pretty straightforward.
The first step is understanding what you want.
Once you understand what you want, you can begin to design your life in a way towards that goal.
For example, years ago, I decided I want to become a writer. I started writing every day. I began reading more often. I joined and organized a few writing communities. I moved to NYC, one of the best writing cities in the world. I schedule my social obligations around my writing time. Over the years, I designed my life around creativity. So now it’s easy for me. My environment, my friends around me, and my habits are all in service of this goal.
I meet many people that want to become a writer. If you’re serious about that goal, then you can you can spend your free time after work on writing. If you have too many social obligations, then say no. If your job is too busy, then find another job or quit your current job. Move to a cheaper apartment, a cheaper city, or just move back home to keep your costs down. Choosing a path in life requires sacrifice, and if you aren’t willing to sacrifice, do you actually want it?
On Living Away From Home
This week I’m back home in Toronto for Canadian Thanksgiving. One of the perks of being Canadian and living in America is that we have two thanksgivings. Ill spend Canadian thanksgiving with my family back home and ill spend American thanksgiving with friends. I don’t have to choose.
The last time I was back home was in May. On the drive back from the airport yesterday, I see a huge new condo complex completed near my house. This didn’t exist 5 months ago. I bought a coffee from Tim Hortons, turns out they sell pizza now. Every time I return to Toronto it feels a bit more foreign. And I probably look foreign too. Everywhere I go I stand out, I forget I’m not in Williamsburg anymore, I don’t have to dress up when going to the grocery store.
During our Europe trip earlier this year, our tour guides would ask us where we are from. My family would answer, “Toronto!” I had to hold myself back from blurting out, “I’m from New York.”
Perhaps this is what it means to live away from home. Toronto was where I was born. Toronto raised me. Mentally, home is New York now. But in my heart, Toronto will always be home.
On Great Conversations
The poet and author John O’Donohue shares thoughts on great conversation:
When is the last time that you had a great conversation? A conversation which wasn’t just two intersecting monologues, which is what passes for conversation a lot in this culture. But when had you last a great conversation in which you overheard yourself saying things that you never knew you knew, that you heard yourself receiving from somebody words that absolutely found places within you that you thought you had lost and a sense of an event of a conversation that brought the two of you on to a different plain, and then fourthly, a conversation that continued to sing in your mind for weeks afterwards.
I think there are a few traits of great conversations:
- Hours feel like minutes. We’re both in a state of flow and before we know it, hours have past since the conversation started.
- I say things I never knew I knew, or haven’t said before. These conversations feel like I’m uncovering things about myself.
- The progression of the conversation isn’t linear but goes down a ton of rabbit holes.
Fashion Isn’t a Competition
In Fashion, there’s a culture of one-upmanship and trying to be best dressed in every room you’re in.
But fashion isn’t a competition.
Don’t dress for other people.
Dress in whatever makes you feel the most confident.
On Talking to People at the Gym
I’ve been working out at the same gym near my apartment for more than two years now. I usually work out in the morning before work, and I’ll usually see the regulars there.
Every gym has that one person who seems to know everyone. One of my friends, Mo, is that person. He’s the local gym socialite. I always see him dapping up someone new or in conversation with someone between sets. My first conversation with him, I was resting between pull-ups, and he complimented my form. We then started talking from there and we catch up every time I see him at the gym.
Recently, I asked him if he’s naturally this social or if it’s something he worked on. He told me that because he works as a lawyer and constantly has to wear a mask, the gym is his chance to get his social fix.
I’ve traditionally viewed working out as a solitary activity. However, seeing Mo engaging with many people at the gym has inspired me to reconsider my perspective. Perhaps I should see exercise less as an individual pursuit and more as a communal experience.
Haruki Murakami on Mental and Physical Stamina
In an Art of Fiction interview, the novelist, Harukami Murakami describes his workday:
When I’m in writing mode for a novel, I get up at four a.m. and work for five to six hours. In the afternoon, I run for ten kilometers or swim for fifteen hundred meters (or do both), then I read a bit and listen to some music. I go to bed at nine p.m. I keep to this routine every day without variation. The repetition itself becomes the important thing; it’s a form of mesmerism. I mesmerize myself to reach a deeper state of mind. But to hold to such repetition for so long — six months to a year — requires a good amount of mental and physical strength. In that sense, writing a long novel is like survival training. Physical strength is as necessary as artistic sensitivity.
In the past, I sometimes would skip my workouts when work got busy. But physical stamina and mental stamina are interconnected. We can only push ourselves mentally when we push ourselves physically as well.
My Best Productivity Hack
I work remotely from home. Usually on my desk nestled in the corner of my bedroom. Despite not having a physical office I’m confident in my daily productivity.
My secret is this product I use called Focusmate.
I first joined Focusmate back in 2019, and as of today I have 2144 sessions completed. I’m actually writing this blog post during a focusmate session right now.
The idea behind Focusmate is simple. I can schedule an hour of focused time on the FM calendar, and it’ll pair me up with someone else during that time. The session is a video call, where we show up during our scheduled session, we share what our intentions are during the hour, get to work, then we share how it went at the end of the session.
Here’s why I find Focusmate helpful:
- Parkinson’s Law: a task will take as much time as you give it. For example, a few weeks ago, I had a presentation for our exec team. I booked three consecutive hour long sessions in the morning. I broke down the presentation into sections. And I focused on completing a section or two during every session. If I didn’t use FM, I may of procrastinated or took much more time to accomplish this task.
- For many tasks, the hardest part is sitting down and getting started. I was procastinating on my newsletter launch event a few weeks ago, so I booked a focusmate session to get it done. In that one hour, I created the event invite, wrote the description, and invited a bunch of friends.
- Accountability. At the start of each session, we share our intention. This act of sharing an intention, I like to be as specific as possible, means the session is laser focused.
I can go on and on my love for Focusmate. On most weekday mornings, I’ll book three consecutive FM sessions to get my work done, and it’s been a key to my productivity.
I’ve recommended Focusmate to many friends and they all love it too.
If you struggle with getting work done at home, I highly recommend trying out Focusmate.
Everyone Should Have a Tailor
Before the Industrial Revolution, all clothing was custom-made. Today, mass manufacturing has made it cheaper to produce clothes in batches and standard sizes.
As a result, off-the-rack garments often don’t fit perfectly. This is where a tailor can help. A skilled tailor can alter your clothes to achieve the perfect fit. Whether it’s hemming pants, taking in a waistband, or shortening sleeves, tailoring can transform how your garments look and feel.
This year, I found a tailor, Frank from Brooklyn Denim Co., near my apartment. Since then, I’ve had him alter numerous pieces of my clothing. He’s hemmed all my pants, shortened the sleeves on my favorite blazer and dress shirts, and repaired rips in my Burberry coat. Thanks to Frank, many of my garments now fit me perfectly.
If you have items in your wardrobe that don’t quite fit right, consider taking them to a tailor. A small investment in tailoring can make a big difference in how your clothes look on you.
On Grand Openings
When I first launched my daily blog on January 1st, 2020, I didn’t announce it on social media, I didn’t throw a party, I barely told anyone besides close friends and family.
It was scary enough taking the leap and putting my work out there. I didn’t want the added pressure of everyone I know reading my work.
Instead, I launched it quietly. For the first month, I focused on writing every day to my small audience of close friends and family.
I meet many people that are scared to write because of the fear of putting themselves out there. But you can tackle it in steps. You can start writing on a public blog without telling anyone. Then you can share it with confidants. Then friends and family. Then eventually start posting publicly. Not everything needs a grand opening.
That was five years ago, and I’ve grown since then.
What scares me then doesn’t scare me now.
When I first came up with the idea in August for a newsletter focused on menswear, I knew I wanted to host a launch party.
At this point in my creative journey, I want to let others know about my work. I have confidence in my craft and my ideas. I know there are people out there that will find value and inspiration from my work. And now it’s my mission to make it easy for them to find me.
Today is the day of my launch party my newsletter Riveting. I’ve hosted over 50+ events in NYC now. Yet, I still get scared, anxious, and excited leading up to the event. At this point, I understand that the emotions are part of the journey. And everything will turn out alright.
Less Learnings, More Reminders
Often times, we don’t need to learn anything new.
We need to remind ourselves of old lessons, again and again.
You Need 3 Daily Wins
I stumbled on @ipposmindset Instagram account and I love the aesthetic. Motivational quotes over 90s anime pictures.
The above reel is one of my favorites.
You need 3 daily wins: one physical, one mental, and one spiritual.
NYC Has Youthful Energy
I was catching up with a friend from Toronto today and she told me how New Yorkers feel younger. For example, if she meets a 32-year-old in Toronto, they’ve settled down already. Maybe they’re married and bought a house. Whereas in NYC, there are many single 32-year-olds.
I noticed the same thing among my friends. A few of my friends back home in Toronto are married or have a long-term partner. Whereas not many of my New York friends are even in long term relationships.
I have a few friends in their thirties who are living life no differently than my friends in my twenties. My roommate has a coworker in their forties who’s still rooming with his friends.
New York isn’t the city many people settle down in and perhaps that’s what keeps us young.
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