Call it Out

I often think about this story from writer and activist Maya Angelou.

Oprah once recalled attending a party at Angelou’s house where someone told a racist joke. Here’s how Angelou reacted to it:

Oprah: I remember once being in your house and somebody was telling a joke. And you were on the other side of the house… we were at a party, it was very noisy. And the person made a joke and it was a racist, homophobic joke… and you stopped the party.

Maya Angelou: Mmm hmmm

Oprah: First of all, I couldn’t believe, I was like how could she hear that from all the way over there. But you stopped the party and asked the persons to excuse themselves and leave your house.

Maya: Yes. Yes. Exactly. I said “is this your coat? Did you come with anyone? Both of you come this way.” Oh yeah, no no no!

Oprah: I know!!! And every one else was like “whoa what just happened”. And then you said to all of us, “I would not allow it in my house.”

I’ve been in situations where someone in the same room made a racist or homophobic joke that didn’t sit right with me.

I often wish I had spoken up, but instead, I just laughed it off. Deep down, though, I regretted staying silent.

Oprah then asked, “How did you find the courage to stop this?”

Here’s Maya Angelou’s answer:

Maya: You don’t stop it by doing it immediately. You develop courage. Courage, Oprah, is the most important of all the virtues. Because without courage, you cannot practice any other virtue consistently. You can be anything erratically now and then — kind, fair, true, generous, just, blah blah. But to do that thing time after time… So what you do is you do it in small ways. I mean if you wanted to pick up a 100 pounds weight, you don’t just go do it. You start picking 5 pounds and 10 pounds and 20 pounds. Well that’s the same way you do with courage. You do the courageous thing, a small one, and you like yourself. And then you do another two, three, and you like yourself better. And before you know it, you are able to say, “Excuse me, not in my house you don’t. You don’t paint my walls with poison and vulgarity. You will not do it in my house. Out. Is this your purse? Thank you. Bye”