People Like Talking to Strangers

In the book How to Not Die Alone, Logan Ury encourages readers to talk to people in public:

Behavioral scientists Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder observed the same preference in their paper “Mistakenly Seeking Solitude.” When they asked a group of commuters whether they’d like to interact with a stranger on the train or sit alone without speaking to anyone, most people chose the silent option.

Then they ran an experiment to see which experience commuters actually enjoyed more. They randomly assigned commuters on a public transit train in Chicago to either talk to the person sitting next to them, “remain disconnected, or to commute as normal.” They found that those who engaged with the stranger had the most positive experience on the train, and those who sat alone with their thoughts had the least positive experience.

They replicated the results in an experiment on Chicago buses. Our instinct to avoid conversations with strangers is wrong. We only think we want solitude. We underestimate how much joy social connection can bring.

During my flight back to Toronto last Christmas, the cute girl in the seat next to me saw the cake I carried oboard the flight and asked me where I got the cake. I told her it was from Martha’s bakery, my favorite bakery in the city. I told her that I bring a Berry Napoleon cake every time I go back home. From there, we started talking about our New York experiences, Toronto vs New York, our jobs, our interests, and our families. We talked the entire 1h flight. We while waiting for our check-in bags at the baggage claim carousels as well.

I often assume that people would not want to be bothered in public. But I find every time I talk with people in public, it always leaves me energized afterwards.

It reminds me of the William Yeats quote, “There are no strangers, just friends you haven’t met yet.”