Build a Life You Don’t Want to Escape From
I’m sitting in a café in Hoi An, facing a rice paddy. I just bought a 40-cent Vietnamese iced coffee with condensed milk. It’s a scorching 40 degrees outside with the humidity, but I’m tucked inside an air-conditioned room.
I love traveling. I love trying new foods, meeting people from different cultures, seeing how they dress and live.
But I also love my life in New York. I miss the creature comforts, the routine. I miss my friends. I miss pulling off fits in Williamsburg.
In Western culture, we romanticize travel. We plan elaborate vacations around our two weeks of PTO and look forward to them all year. It becomes a form of escapism.
And while this trip has been amazing, travel can get tiring. The novelty wears off. And sometimes, the existential dread creeps in too. Travel is fun but it isn’t fulfilling.
I meet a lot of people while traveling who feel stuck in limbo. They’re “finding themselves.” And while that’s fair, travel is a great time for self-reflection, many seem to use it as a form of escapism. They distract themselves by constantly meeting new people, partying, chasing pleasure, anything to avoid facing the bigger questions in life.
Instead of traveling to escape, build a life you don’t want to escape from.
Moving on From Fashion
During my vacation in Vietnam, I’ve continued to spend my mornings journaling and writing. These sessions have become a way for me to check in with myself, to re-evaluate my goals, projects, relationships, and work.
One realization that surfaced recently is that it might be time to move on from the fashion phase of my life.
I first got into fashion in the summer of 2023. What began as a project to upgrade my wardrobe quickly turned into an obsession. I went deep, I learned a whole new craft, developed a new skill set, immersed myself in an entire industry and way of thinking. My identity began to shift, both internally and how other perceived me.
I started writing about fashion too. It was a fun outlet to focus my curiosity on and express myself. And writing, I’ve come to realize, is a powerful form of self-monitoring. It’s a way to listen in on what the heart really wants.
Fashion gave me so much. And I’ve learned so much from it. But lately, it feels like I’m plateauing. One of my qualms with fashion as a craft is that it feels like a “pay-to-play” game. To keep growing in it, you have to keep buying new stuff. And that doesn’t resonate with me. At this point, I’ve found pieces I love and will hopefully wear for life. I’ve honed my personal style. While there are still improvements to make, I feel like I’ve almost reached my personal peak.
I’ve also noticed that when I visit bookstores, the fashion books on the shelves don’t resonate with me anymore. I’ve read most of the ones that interest me already.
That being said though, fashion has made me appreciate writing even more. I love that writing is accessible, I can it anywhere, at little to no cost. It reinforced the idea that writing is the craft I want to double down on.
I still love fashion. I love that I can now read an outfit and understand the stories people are telling through their clothes. I have a deep appreciation for the craftsmanship behind clothing. Fashion remains a meaningful way for me to connect with others and view the world. It’ll always be a hobby of mine and a perspective I carry.
Each creative project and phase carries with it lessons that help me understand myself. Fashion is still a topic I’ll write about occasionally. But there are other creative ideas that speak to me right now. And perhaps it’s time to put this chapter to rest.
My Friend Vu
During my trip to Vietnam, one of the most memorable stops was Ha Giang, where we did the popular Ha Giang Loop. As part of the experience, each of us had a local driver. My driver’s name was Vu.
The first thing Vu said to me was, “You look like that actor from G.I. Joe. I love this film. I watched it twice!”
Over the next few days, I got to know Vu. He was 28, same age as me. He showed me photos of his wife and son. I showed him pictures of my family too. We’d talk about life, Vietnamese culture, North American culture, my travels, etc.
On the bike, I played music through a portable speaker. Since we were on a motorcycle, I felt compelled to play some music from the Fast and Furious vibes. I queued up “Tokyo Drift,” Vu was vibing and bobbing his head to the music and driving a bit too fast. I then played, “See You Again”, which Vu said, “I love this song!”
We shared meals, happy water, and laughs. The whole thing felt like an episode of Anthony Bourdain.
After the trip, Vu sent me and my friend Ethan a heartfelt message on WhatsApp. He said he’d never met anyone like us. Most of the other travelers on the trip would talk amongst each other. But we talked with him, ate with him, answered even his “silly” questions, like we were family. And the next time we visit Vietnam, to hit him up and he’s happy to host us.
Sometimes I forget that this is what it’s all about. The sights, the sounds, the food, make a trip fun. But the people are what make the trips memorable.
Beijing Bikini Season
On my first day in Vietnam, I saw a Vietnamese uncle with his shirt rolled up to expose his belly. I assumed it was a way to cool down in the sweltering heat.
Today I learned that this practice is called the Beijing Bikini and is widespread across Asia, especially with older men. Some think that the Beijing Bikini is vulgar. So much so that a few Chinese cities started banning it.
I personally have no problem with it, and I thought it was pretty funny the first time I saw it. It is perhaps more practical to do this in the heat. But there is a double standard that women can walk around with their bellies exposed but men can’t.
Not Everyone Can Afford to Travel
Last night over dinner, we were eating and drinking with our local Vietnamese guides, guys around the same age as me. They asked about my travels and the countries I’ve been to.
I asked them about their travels, too. My friend Vu told me they don’t even think about traveling, it’s just too expensive.
It made me reflect on something I wrote the other day, about comparing the cost of living in New York City, one of the most expensive cities in the world, to Vietnam, one of the most affordable. I’m lucky I can come here and splurge without thinking too much about it. But for many locals, even though things are cheap here, the cost of traveling abroad can feel impossibly out of reach.
I Prefer Asking People Instead
When I first arrived in Hanoi, I was tempted to ask ChatGPT for the best restaurants to check out.
But I stopped myself. Instead, I started asking the people around me, the girl at the currency exchange, people at the hostel, shopkeepers, anyone local.
We live in an age where I can ask ChatGPT pretty much anything. Questions I might’ve once asked a stranger or a friend, I can now type into a box and get an answer instantly.
And while ChatGPT gives amazing answers, I don’t want to lose the human part. Asking questions is a great way to start a conversation, build trust, or connect with someone new.
You Can Write Everywhere
One thing I love about writing is how cheap and accessible it is.
I don’t need any fancy equipment, just a pen and paper. And even if I don’t have those on hand, I can open Apple Notes and start writing right there.
If I want to create a science fiction story, I don’t need a multi-billion dollar film budget. I can build entire worlds with nothing more than words. If I want to express myself, I can simply pull out my tools and get to work.
I don’t need to spend a dime. I can just do it anywhere.
In One Piece, the Straw Hat Pirates travel from island to island, and each island serves as its own arc with a unique environment, culture, and adventure. Arabasta is a desert kingdom, Skypiea is a floating sky island, and the current arc, Egghead, takes place on a futuristic island.
With every arc, the Straw Hats wear a new fit that reflects the setting. I love that idea, wearing a uniform that marks the start of a new chapter or adventure in life.
Right now, in Vietnam, my current “arc uniform” has a simple template: a hat (my hair’s in that awkward phase) and a vest. The vest is my favorite part of the outfit. It’s so damn practical. At the airport, I keep everything like my phone, wallet, passport, flight tickets, AirPods, snackies on me. And when it’s time to go through security, I just slip the vest off. No fumbling through pockets. On day trips, I don’t need a daypack. I carry everything in the vest. Because it’s all close to my body, I don’t worry much about pickpockets either.
This uniform is quite versatile too, whatever bottoms, shoes, or layers I feel like wearing that day. It’s become my go-to uniform: simple, functional, and versatile especially for my trip in Vietnam.
My New Journal
Yesterday in Hanoi, around noon, I was walking back from a café to my hostel when I stumbled upon a small shop selling naturally dyed goods. They had bags, wallets, scarves, robes, all kinds of beautiful items dyed using traditional techniques by the Hmong people of Northern Vietnam.
If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you’ll know I have a bit of an obsession with naturally dyed textiles. Before coming here, I knew Vietnam had a rich history of textile dyeing, so I’d been keeping an eye out for pieces like this.
One item I picked up was a notebook dyed in natural indigo, with a hand-drawn Batik print. The cover was stunning, and the paper inside had this soft, off-white tone with visible pulp.
Over the years, I’ve noticed something: when I use a good notebook and pen, I write more. Something about quality tools makes me want to sit down and put pen to paper. I’ve used the same pen for seven years now: a gold-plated Parker Jotter that was gifted to me by coworkers at the end of an internship. I just refill it when it runs out. And this morning, with this new notebook in hand, I had one of the most inspired journaling sessions I’ve had in a long time.
Cost Perspective
Earlier today, I spent my morning at a café in Hanoi. My Vietnamese coffee cost 40,000 dong, about $1.50 USD.
For lunch, I had phở with my friend. It came out to 30,000 dong, or $1.14 USD.
A bottle of water was 7,000 dong. That’s 24 cents USD.
One of the most striking things about traveling, especially when you live in New York City, is reminding myself just how much cheaper everything is elsewhere. Every transaction here feels like a quiet reminder of how skewed my sense of cost has become back home.
And I’m grateful. I recognize the privilege I carry: to be able to fly across the world, to sip coffee and have lunch for less than the price of a riding the MTA, and to experience Vietnam from a place of financial security.
Alternate Universe
First Vietnamese coffee, which I guess you just call it coffee, in Vietnam
I remember when I used to play Super Mario as a kid, when I unlocked and travelled to a new world, everything would be foreign: different terrain , characters, and physics.
That’s much like travel.
I arrived in Vietnam late last night, today is my first full day. I feel uncomfortable. Not in a bad way, but in the way that it’s a new, unfamiliar environment. I know next to nothing about Vietnam. In classic James fashion, I did almost zero research leading up to this trip. I’ll figure it out as I go.
First order of business this morning, I just exchanged some money and asked the lady at the currency exchange if she had any breakfast reccs. She told me that the spot across the street is really good. She walks me out and points towards the hole in the wall spot with plastic tables and stools. She waves at the staff, looks like they’re all friends.
I take her up on her recommendation. I arrived at the resto and sit on my small, plastic stool. At my small, plastic table there’s sits a small boy slurping on some noods. I’m pretty sure I’m sharing this small table with the owners son.
They don’t give me a menu, they just give me a warm bowl of noodle soup. I assume it’s Pho? I’ve eaten a lot of Pho but I actually don’t know wtf pho is.
I eat it anyway. Absolutely delicious. Just what I needed for my first meal in Vietnam.
All that for 1.90USD.
Be an Inspiration to Yourself
I find myself inspiring, but that wasn’t always the case.
I’d say that’s accurate from 2024 onwards. My big insight from that year was that the most lucrative opportunity is the one that makes you feel the most alive. At the time I was pursuing a writing idea that I thought was the most financially lucrative. It made a ton of sense on paper and I did think the idea was fun. But it was all cope. I didn’t actually care about the idea.
Ever since that realization, I’ve started designing my life not based on what’s the most “externally” lucrative, but whether it feels right for me.
And perhaps on a deeper level that’s what we mean when we describe someone as inspiring, to be inspirational is to pursue your most authentic self.
En Route to Vietnam
Vietnam. It grabs you and doesn’t let go. Once you love it, you love it forever. - Anthony Bourdain
When I was in middle school, I used to stay up late on Sunday nights to watch Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations on the Discovery Channel. I don’t remember exactly when I started, but it became a kind of weekly ritual, right up there with Friday night anime and Saturday morning cartoons.
I was captivated by Bourdain. He had a beautiful way of speaking, exploring cultures through food and using it as a lens to tell deeper stories. I admired how he got people to open up, sometimes even to the point of tears.
One of Bourdain’s favorite countries was Vietnam. He loved Vietnam. In the lead-up to this trip, I rewatched all of his episodes set there: A Cook’s Tour, No Reservations, Parts Unknown.
I’m writing this post in New York City’s, JFK, it’s 11:56pm, I board my flight to Seoul in an hour, it’s a 13 hour lay over, then I’ve got another flight from Seoul to Vietnam. I’ll be there by Friday evening.
Watching Bourdain as a kid planted the seed of wanderlust in me. I’d sit there watching his show thinking, “Someday, I’ll go to these places too.”
Nerd Snipe
I love learning new slang words and recently my new favourite word is nerd sniped. Here’s an example:
I was once thrifting with a few friends in Williamsburg earlier this year, when a pair of Bell Bottom pants caught my friends eye.
The bell bottoms were from the early 1900s and from the US Navy.
I then told my friend about the history of flared pants and their origins in the US and British Navy. In other words, I got nerd sniped by these pair of pants.
Getting nerd sniped is when you present a problem to another person and they become focused on that problem to the exclusion of everything else.
Fashion and menswear is one of the topics that nerd snipe me.
How Trust is Built
My friend yesterday said that trust is built by doing what you say, repeatedly. It’s a simple, yet, powerful definition.
If you don’t follow on your word, for even the smallest things, how can you be trusted with more responsibility?
It’s especially impressive when someone says they’ll do something ambitious, and they actually do it.
On Hawaiian Shirts
When I think of Hawaiian shirts, I imagine short-sleeved button-ups with flamboyant floral prints, and maybe a girl in a coconut bra and grass skirt. Not gonna lie, I used to think they were pretty tacky. And if you’re talking about the cheap ones from H&M, they probably are. But Hawaiian shirts actually have a rich history, and many feature more muted, meaningful, and tasteful prints that reflect Hawaii’s cultural heritage.
Known as the “Aloha shirt” in Hawaii, they originated from Hawaii’s large Japanese population. It was born when local tailors started using surplus kimono fabric to make short-sleeved shirts inspired by Western styles.
The shirt gained mainstream popularity through the Aloha Friday movement, which challenged Western colonization through clothing by wearing the Aloha shirt every Friday. It offered a more breathable, climate-appropriate alternative to the suit and tie, while also serving as a symbol of local pride and identity.
Revisiting Old Fits
A few weeks ago, when I found out that our team offsite would be in San Francisco, a smile shot across my face. I love San Francisco. I interned here seven years ago and have visited several times since.
The last time I was here was December 2023 for another work trip. Whenever I return to a city, I’ll reflect on how much I’ve grown the last time I visited: I have a new role at work, the writing club I organize has grown a lot, I started this menswear newsletter, and of course my style has come a long way since.
Fit pic selfie during lunch break. I was really feeling my outfit on this day.
The above fit pic was taken in the washroom of Bessemer Venture Partners, and wow just looking at this pic made me realize how much I’ve grown since then. My hair is so short. I donated those Levi’s 511s because I learned that I prefer straight and wider leg cuts rather than slim. Im about to donate that Oxford Cotton Button Down because it’s too slim, and I don’t really like Everlane. Same thing with the sweater, I’m about to donate it because I prefer boxier sweaters and lengthwise it’s too long.
Also while I do have love for the sweater and button up combo, in practice, I don’t feel physically comfortable in it. I remember on that day, feeling suffocated by it, it was too warm. Also it’s kind of annoying putting on a sweater on top of a button down.
Seeing old fits pics helps me keep the journey in retrospect. I’ve grown a lot since. Both internally and fashionably.
The next time I visit SF, I’m curious how I’ll grow, and how my style will change as well.
In front of Dog Eared Books with a doggo in the background.
Create Like a Child, Edit Like a Scientist
I treat this blog as an archive of ideas, thoughts, and images that I want to save and refer to in the future.
I saw this banger from Tyler the Creator and had to write about it.
Create like a child. Be present, don’t think, and have fun.
Edit like a scientist. Be skeptical, critical, and meticulous.
Nothing Beats This
When I was a kid, we had a guest bedroom, and every so often, friends and relatives would visit from the Philippines, Europe, the U.S., everywhere.
My parents would cook up a big feast for them. My mom would make her signature dishes, and if the weather was nice, my dad would fire up the grill for Filipino-style BBQ skewers or grilled pompano stuffed with tomatoes, lemongrass, and lemon slices. We’d all gather around the table as the adults traded stories late into the night.
I remember one visit in particular, my Tito and Tita came in from Chicago. After the meal, my dad cracked open some beers, and my Tito turned to my dad and said, “Nothing beats this.”
That moment stuck with me. Because he was right, there’s something special about being able to host the people you love.
I hope that’s what the future looks like for me too, visiting friends’ homes with my own family, reminiscing about the old days. And I hope they’ll crash at my place too, filling the house with food, laughter, and stories.
My First Day in San Francisco
I first landed in San Francisco for an internship in September 2018, if I recall correctly, it was a Saturday. It didn’t hit me that I was living away from Canada for the first time until the moment I stepped off the plane.
I took a taxi to my new apartment in Nob Hill. The landlord greeted me, handed over the keys, and I started unpacking and settling into what would be my home for the next few months.
I remember feeling a mix of excitement and loneliness. I didn’t really know anyone in San Francisco at the time, and the city felt vast and unfamiliar.
After spending the afternoon getting settled, I decided to explore. That evening, I walked through Chinatown, wandered into North Beach, and continued all the way to Fisherman’s Wharf to my final destination: In-N-Out.
People rave about In-N-Out, so I made it my first official meal in the U.S. I ordered a Double-Double, animal style, just like a Reddit post had suggested. The burger was tasty, though I remember thinking it wasn’t quite the as hyped as some of my friends made it out to be.
As the night wore on and the temperature dropped, I started walking back home. Now, being back in San Francisco for a work trip, I passed by a few of those same landmarks and they brought me right back to that very first day.
What a time that was.
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